End of the Line

For those of you who don’t already know, Mr. Shankly is a character featured in the Smiths song, Frankly Mr. Shankly. It’s about a person who feels trapped in his job - a job that pays the bills, that may have offered some kind of fulfillment and relief at some point – and this person now feels this burning desire to be his fabulous self, rather than continuing to work for Mr. Shankly.

These are the lyrics:

Frankly, Mr. Shankly, this position I've held
It pays my way, and it corrodes my soul
I want to leave, you will not miss me
I want to go down in musical history

Frankly, Mr. Shankly, I'm a sickening wreck
I've got the 21st century breathing down my neck
I must move fast, you understand me
I want to go down in celluloid history, Mr. Shankly

Fame, Fame, fatal Fame
It can play hideous tricks on the brain
But still I'd rather be Famous
Than righteous or holy, any day
Any day, any day

But sometimes I'd feel more fulfilled
Making Christmas cards with the mentally ill
I want to live and I want to Love
I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of

Frankly, Mr. Shankly, this position I've held
It pays my way and it corrodes my soul
Oh, I didn't realise that you wrote poetry
I didn't realise you wrote such bloody awful poetry, Mr. Shankly

Frankly, Mr. Shankly, since you ask
You are a flatulent pain in the arse
I do not mean to be so rude
Still, I must speak frankly, Mr. Shankly

Oh, give us your money !

*****

A few of us here in the workplace have assigned this, and other monikers to the owner of the company.

He is my Mr. Shankly.

He is a pain in the ass. I enjoy mocking him. I enjoy taunting him. He’s also a big kid, just like me.

*****

During the holiday break, a new hot project came in, one that needs to be done in record time, as directed by Mr. Shankly. On the day we returned, I was busy contributing to the project, under pressure to submit something to the client. Mr. Shankly stopped me while on my way to complete an urgent task related to the project, he still grinning from a YouTube video that he had just shown my supervisor and everyone in our team.

Mr. Shankly: Hey, wasn’t that YouTube thing funny?

Employee835: It was funny because it was so well executed.

Mr. Shankly: Have you seen the Britney one?

Employee835: Not sure I know it.

Mr. Shankly: It’s this guy acting like a woman, he’s, well you’ll see. Let’s check it out in my office.

Employee835: Wellll, I’d like to, but I need to submit this, remember? Your thing?

Mr. Shankly: Oh yeah. Aww come on, it’ll be only for a second.

We go to his office and I’m pouring over the numbers for the project, pulled up in a chair next to him while he fruitlessly searches YouTube

Mr. Shankly: We are about to get into a lot of trouble.

Employee835: HR?

Mr. Shankly: Big TIME, if I can find it.

His trusted assistant, Friday walks in, stands at the doorway.

Friday: Mr.Shankly, they’re all ready in the conference room.

Mr. Shankly: I’ll be right there. Where is it? I can’t remember the name of the video, it’s funny as hell.

Friday: Mr. Shankly, James is in the conference room with Robert. They’re ready.

Mr. Shankly: Yeah yeah, I’ll be right there.

Employee835: Shankly! Time to go. There’s a money making opportunity in the conference room, what the fuck are you doing on YouTube?

Mr. Shankly: I know I know, I just need to show you this HILARIOUS video.

Employee835: You need to go. Why don’t you call me when you find it after the meeting?

Mr. Shankly: It’s right here, I just can’t find it.

Employee835: Shankly, I gotta go.

Mr. Shankly: [Calling over shoulder] I’ll call you when I find it.

Friday shakes head and leaves.

He found the video toward the end of the day and played it on full volume. It was that guy, Chris Crocker with a bedsheet as background crying and screaming to the world to leave Britney alone. You know the one. We’ve all seen it.

And he was bitterly disappointed that I had already seen it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc

*****

Five years ago, I started working at this company in another capacity, laboring on the shop floor. My interactions with Mr. Shankly were at best, annoying. A few months later, under the recommendation of his partner, I was promoted to a much better position and have grown within the company in ways I could never have imagined during my first months here. My paycheck has also swelled to reflect my growth.

In the fall of 2003, I introduced my supervisor to the Meyers Briggs personality test, which he loved. His enthusiasm swept the office as he insisted that everyone take it. As more people read their own results, naturally, we compared notes on our profiles, seeking and bonding with those with our own. A number of people had an INTJ party, some ENTPs wove friendship bracelets on the spot. I had no match.

My supervisor insisted of course that Mr. Shankly take the test. Right as he pondered, “I wonder what poor bastard has Mr. Shankly’s profile,” Mr. Shankly came running down the hall to our team, screaming, “ENFP! Who has ENFP?” They doubled over as if hyenas were licking their asses, laughing so fucking heartily, all pointing at me.

I was so dismayed, yet Mr. Shankly and I began comparing notes immediately, and it was as if our two minds were one. We finished each other's sentences with vigor and recognition. He would start off by saying, “Do you ever…”

And I’d cut him off emphatically, “get bogged down by your own efforts toward perfection?”

YES. YESS. MEE TOO. We’d say in unison.

It was startling to the entire staff. And we hugged as old friends separated by lifetimes, alone in the vast sea of personalities.

I remember going home that day thinking it so sadly ironic that the most caustic person in the whole organization, the Boss, also has my personality profile, and that he gets me, and I get him. I’m so lame.

Today, I caught him in passing and I stopped him to have a talk. We stepped into his office and I began by saying, “I’m approaching you because I know that you are the only one in this organization that will understand me when I tell you this. I love it here and I’m so grateful to have this job. It allows me to have so many experiences that I would have never had. But have you ever felt like you’ve hit a plateau and feel so damned bored with your life? I’ve been cruising like this for the last two and a half years.”

His eyes widened in deep identification, he took a deep breath, and said “here, let’s sit.” And we sat as he told me of the many times he’s had such an experience. It was uncanny, I felt uncomfortable, relieved, and understood.

He went on to tell me about certain struggles and achievements and his own existential dread. In our exchange I shared about the gaping hole into which I’ve been throwing people, things, cars, and clothes, and how it persists.

He knew.

And if he knew that I was blogging about all the work shine-ola, he would be so heart broken.

So this is my last blog entry. I’ve come to realize that it’s not really serving me to bitch about the workplace, sarcasm flowing like anal leakage from eating too many fat free potato chips; of all the rampant douchery that goes on here, when in truth, I like where I work, and I love my team mates.

I think I am corroding my own soul.

Mr. Shankly acknowledged that I do my job well, but that I had bigger things on the horizon and suggested that I pursue a number of projects in parallel to my work here until such time as I reach a critical mass and have to make a decision about one or the other. “You should have fun,” he urged, ”no matter what it is.”

It’s possible that I just signed my own walking papers but I have to say, it felt great to talk with Shankly, because he understood me clearly, without any need on my part to elaborate.

I'd like to thank foreverever for his hilarious contributions, posts, and comments, his ability to properly categorize cubicles, employee profiles and the like. I wish we could post our behind the blog emails as they are what made my days here in between all the shit I was putting off in the name of the Blog Father, the Blog Son and the Bloggy Ghost.

And I thank all of you Shankly fans for your generous support, emails, and comments. I will return to the blogosphere to share my incisive notes on other things, at a time TBD. In the meantime, I wish you total enjoyment in whatever you do, and of course, all the free range douchery your heart desires.

Yours truly,

Employee835