Thursday, December 20, 2007

Foreverever's account of the Pet Shop's Annual Staff Holiday Party

So this was my first attendance at the Annual Holiday Party here at the Pet Shop. I don’t know where to start relating this evening to all our wonderful readers. First off Employee835 and Poodle M were able to attend and I’ll discuss how they gate crashed later. A brief description of the setting for the party was a series of rooms decorated to the 8’s with everything Christmas: wreaths, bows, presents, live Christmas trees, lounging areas, two buffets, one mashed potato bar, two beer and wine bars, dance floor, horrible snowflake lighting and other accents that we don’t really need to describe.

Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus were there along with some palm, tarot card, handwriting readers. After figuring out it would be easy for E835 and Poodle to get in I went and got a beer and waited in line to get my tarot card reading done. It was still early in the night and people were filing in so I knew I had to get any fortunes told early in the evening. I must say that the tarot card reading was rather humbling and actually linked up with many things that I’d been thinking about, I just have to follow my instincts and things will go great. I was also told that I need to eat more vegetables from the ground. I was able to get a margarita glass full of mashed potatoes with my choice of toppings, total class, and have another beer so things were looking good as E835 and Poodle were about to arrive.

At this point during the party I looked around and saw nobody I knew. A few staff were scattered here and there but, almost everyone was an elder according to Poodle M. These are the volunteers at the Pet Shop who help clean out the cages and take care of sick puppies so this is the Shop’s way of thanking them for all their hard work. They were already trickling out as I made my way outside to meet up with my blog bros. Right when E835 and M were about to cross the street one of the elder’s passed out right in front of me! Flinging her Lexus key to the ground and slumming down. Some people were there to help her and I ran inside to inform the security of the situation. E835 and M must have looked at this moment like when you're in college and you roll up to some crazy party and somebody is passed out on the front lawn. Help was on the way for the poor women and since no RSVP list or anything was being used at this point, E835 and M just strolled in.


We crowded into an elevator with a few elder’s and as E835 was asking me if this party was off the hook I didn’t have to answer his question because, the bass could already be heard through the elevator doors and as they opened to the glory of holiday party fueled by cheap red wine and terrible 80’s dance music was unfolding. We quickly got some food. As usual I ate something that I thought was veggie lasagna but, later found tuna fish or chicken or something in it. As a vegetarian for 13 years I wasn’t that shocked and let the beer wash away my accidental meat eating.

The three of us moved through the crowds trying to find more to eat and waiting for the dance floor to explode. They did get to witness the holiday raffle, awesome prizes like $150 gift certificate to Whole Foods and flat screen TV's! E835 and Poodle M were bummed I didn’t enter the raffle. It wasn’t a big deal because, I usually don’t win anything and plus it helps the chances for all the Pet Shop security guards, mail room clerks, and cleaning people to walk away with something they could really use. So we clapped and cheered and showed our support.

At this point it was about time for E835 and Poodle M to leave. They had been the perfect party crashers, eating and drinking their full. They had a chance to see the Pet Shop’s fearless leader CEO boss double fist an ice cream sunday and beer at the same time while strolling through the crowd. Also Poodle M made a celebrity sighting when Hillary Clinton was spotted! So things were good at this point. All my crushes at work were pointed out and I was quickly poked and prodded by E835 and Poodle M to introduce myself and make the ill-fated trip down the Holiday Party walk of shame by trying to pretend I was in a night club and not a work party. After one unsuccessful attempt to say hello to someone (I was blinded by the terrible lighting and lost sight of her) I gave up hope. Which was probably a good thing.

E835 and Poodle M left and the night club theme DID begin to take over. All the elder’s were long gone by now and everybody had reached their 3 drink max. The dance floor was bumpn’ to Brick House and I found myself standing next to Hillary and doing a little white person dance. Grinding was definitely witnessed and a conversation took place as to which drugs our HR guy was on while dancing: Valium, LSD, or Prozac. So the night quickly spun out of control. Santa packed up shop along with the mind readers. The food was gone and the dance floor was the only place to be unless you were outside smoking weed with the AV dudes. Drunk husbands were beginning to wander into things and the wreaths, table candles, and anything that wasn't tied down was getting looted. It was like being at some strange Berlin Wall tearing down/yard sale and everybody was grabbing what they could. I got a hand full of Clementine’s so I was happy.


So the party ended. No butt copying or make out sessions in the supply closet. I’m only slightly hungover but, I must say it was a fun experience. Having my blog bros there made the night. It always puts you in that strange frame of mind when you realize you’re having a good time but, you would never hang out with any of these people unless you worked together. So it was a nice way to enter this holiday season. I'll miss Employee 835 and Poodle M for the next few weeks but, we'll be able to catch up soon enough in 2008! Next year you're all invited to the party! That is if I still have this job.


Have a safe and happy holidays everybody!

-Foreverever

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