Crispin B commented on our post, BIO CUBICLES, reporting on the phenomenon in her office, of the unconscious drum roll in passing, executed mainly by men.
This is not an isolated incident.
In the old office, my desk was positioned in such a way to indicate GATE KEEPER, PEOPLE TRACKER, and TREE OF KNOWLEDGE. The main thing that would happen is that someone would burst into my space looking rather dazed and windblown, one hand still hanging onto the door jamb, as if they were resisting being sucked into the Poltergeist Doorway of Evil Light, and that person would ask very urgently, “Where’s Jerry?”
I’m busy watching auctions, I don’t know where Jerry is. Are you new here? It’s not my job to keep track of Jerry. Jerry gets up from his desk to oversee, manage, trouble shoot, meet with clients, talk to vendors, piss, get coffee, talk privately on his cell phone about 328 times in any given day. I gots no clue. Come back later, use the phone, page the guy, leave a post-it, do whatever it takes to get in touch, but don’t have me relay the message, and above all else, don’t let the tree swallow you whole. Get out of here Carol Anne.
I wrote this to indicate to you that, even if I don’t know where the fuck Jerry is, I notice a great deal of everything, even when I don’t want to. Included in that is the walking drum roll in its various forms.
The one I found infinitely fascinating was drum solo walk by, courtesy of this dude Mike F. This was his routine: Knuckle drum roll with right hand on the open door when entering, one step, two step, reach out with left hand, fingertip paradiddle on black free standing two drawer hanging file cabinet. On a particularly punchy day, he might do a two-finger flam as an added bonus, atop Carrie’s cubicle, but only when in a really good mood though. And then finally, a triplet on his desk.
Another person does a Joe Morello drum solo on the same handrail, using what sounds to me like a Pilot V-ball roller ball pen. How do I know? The tapping goes plastic plastic metal.
I don’t drum, I prefer my right hand as Land Speeder, skating along the handrail in the main hall, complete with whooshing sound.
I have not yet seen a woman do a walking drum solo.
It’s not clear to me why the gender divide. Is it that men are more in touch with their inner ape?
Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve never seen a woman air drum by herself or make the accompanying noises. Do you guys like drums? Or is it a more internal moon rhythm that you guys groove on? On a similar note, I also don’t think I have ever seen a woman do a machine gun or helicopter or a really big blast, but now I’m digressing.
You tell me. I’d love to hear your reports of walking drum rolls, tap tap tapping, knocking, humming, blasting, what have you.
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3 comments:
Hey Employee. . .You bring up an interesting point. "Guy noises" - air drumming, machine gun sounds, etc. seem a very male dominated pursuit and is very out of place in today's male/female equalized office setting.
So of course I can't think of women who make explosion sounds on a regular basis but, what I can think of are a few sounds I almost always associate with women:
Clicking Shoes
So this is the sound of a women walking on a hard surfaced floor. Almost every woman makes this sound. It comes from wearing boots, heels, any shoe with a hard sole and almost all women wear these shoes in the office world. The guys for some reason rarely make this sound even when wearing hard soled shoes. It could be in a style of walking on an almost mystical level of creating the rhythmic “click clacking” they are some how tapping into a primal system of dance or music making. You can usually hear this sound coming down a long hallway minutes before the creator appears. This could be a warning cry, mating call, etc.
High pitched “Aaahhhhhhh!!!!”
This sound is almost always associated with a gossipy moment on the telephone and precedes any scandalous discussion. Also can be heard when something really cute and/or disgusting happens. Male equivalent, “huhh?” in the exact same situation.
Ppppppsssssuuuuhhhhhhaaaaaaaa
The sound of Ppppppsssssuuuuhhhhhhaaaaaaaa first came to my attention from my friend Avery. She would make this sound and wave her hands in front of her mouth. Some sort of Little Kim move that made its appearance in a movie we made in College and then found its way into her normal vocabulary. I’ve noticed other women make this sound but, it’s very elusive like a Friday morning without a hangover.
Clicking shoes are definitely a gender-biased, sonic harbinger of the creator. And yes, chances are she’s a woman who understands, she’s a woman who loves her man, if the Beatles had to chime in. There are also man clickers, and I used to be among them. My man click sounded more like an angry elephant in pumps, not in Naturalizers, but 9 West or Aldo. It was disconcerting to the man crowd in this predominantly man-based environment.
I have since curtailed my man clicking, preferring instead, Steve Maddens and Rockports. Yeah, I look dumb, but I didn’t like the flak I get. “Are those tap shoes? Are you in some kind of jazz dance production?” Take a fucking number asshole, that “joke” was etched in the book right after Take My Wife…Please.
It’s true that you can also recognize the source of the clicking, just as birds know the chirping of their perpetually hungry offspring.
Melanie wears what seem and look like $30 shoes bought at a ridiculously high price. She arrives with a click-slap. First the heel stabs the floor, then the ball whacks the floor.
Another guy we call Tiny Tim just sounds TINY. Its like a light pitter pat of rhythmic rain drops on a board, one at a time.
Clicking is good. You know who cometh and therefore you know when to stop looking at this blog.
Oh yhea. . .speaking of knowing who's coming. . What about the silent boss!!! Oh shit. . i've started listening for a whooshing sound of clothes and the flapping of paper on the outside of cubilces as a breeze is created by the wanderings of "the boss" .. primal instinct indeed. .I have been busted a few times. .. They have special powers and i think they know about the "clicking" thing so they remove it from their wardrobe to become better leaders.
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